Let’s look into the future!
My “CBBB Crystal Ball” (okay, my “CBBB Slightly-tarnished Magic 8 Ball”) says we should pay attention to more than just the game this week:
“After exhausting all Earth-bound locations, the Rams will become the first NFL franchise to relocate to the Moon in 2046. Owner Stan Kroenke III, citing “market opportunities” and “lunar real estate potential,” will build a pressurized dome stadium using moon rocks and broken dreams of abandoned fan bases (a.k.a. The Jets).
“The Moon Rams will enjoy the advantage of 1/6th gravity, leading to 400-yard field goals (but not for Justin Tucker.. and not just because he decided to suck that year too, but because he is dead) and receivers literally floating into the end zone. However, they’ll struggle with home field attendance due to the $4 million rocket fare and slight inconvenience of space travel (Complimentary, light snacks are served but you will need to pay extra to get a Moon Cheese-burger.).
“Critics will point out that the Moon’s atmosphere can’t sustain human life, but Kroenke III will counter that St. Louis couldn’t sustain fan interest either. The team’s new slogan: “One Small Step for Rams, One Giant Leap for NFL Revenue.”
“Their final relocation will occur in 2073 when they return to Los Angeles, because some things never change.”
So come on down to South Street for some Creamy Ginger Wings (not to be confused with Moist Maryanne Wings) and watch the Bills play the Rams on Planet Earth. While we won’t be giving away the “CBBB Slightly-tarnished Magic 8 Ball” this week, you can win a charcuterie board (with real, fun to play with knives), a wireless speaker, and games in the weekly raffle (for charity and for our rocket fares).
Replying hazily,
BRIAN
PS: Only 14 people have responded to to our Mafia Fest survey. Have you?
